Recent Event?
Friday, March 29, 2002
neeh.....(it rhymes with feeh!)
do you ever wonder why it's human nature to be the best at something, or to do well in something, just so you can feel good about yourself....? i don't have much self esteem, and i'm just fine....well, for most part....except the past 6-7 years of my life were a little screwed up, but that's ok...why do we have to feel like we're better than others though..? you don't need to be the best, you don't need to be number one...all that really matters is that you try your best and if you come out on top, that's good for you, but if you don't do as well, that's ok too....right..? it's sorta hypocritical of me to say that, but i really don't think that you always have to be good at things...even if your the worst at it, or can't even do something, you tried your best and that's ok...other people can accept you for how you are, but why can't you accept yourself fully...? i've never been able to accept the way i am, but what about other people who can..? why can they...? how the hell can they...? i find so many faults in myself, but do other people have more or less than i do..? are they big or small problems that they find?....why do they find things anyway...? no one chooses to have faults.....
Monday, March 25, 2002
I think that maybe today was a day that I'll remember.....or not (try #2)
I really need to change the way I think about things...I can't make up my mind on half of the stuff I think about and everything else is black/white no/yes sort of thinking....and I don't know...but i really am getting tired of the way that my brain works...i want to be able to think well, i want to be healthy, i....i guess maybe i want to fit in somewhere, and I hate to say that, hate to think that but human instinct takes over and longs for some sort of companionship where i don't have to hide something or other....where i don't have to lie, where i don't have to keep anything under the rug, where i don't have to pretend or anything....and where i can just be.....comfy i guess....just to feel like i really really truly belong or something...i'm always too young or too old or too unpopular or too much on the internet or too much believing in something that i have to believe in to keep me sane or too fucking messed up or too damn something or other....and i just want to change myself and manage somehow to get along with other people, and be a normal teenage girl and chat on the phone and do my homework and try and not fuck up my life, and i guess i'm just tired of who i am now and i think i could be so much better and make the people around me and the people that come in contact with me so much happier and feel so much better and i just want to be able to help people without them shunning me for something
I think that maybe today was a day that I'll remember....or not
Today was....sorta odd....wait...let me start this post over...
Sunday, March 24, 2002
peep peep!
i almost did it...^_^ ....but all that happened was that mr. peep started to smoke and the outside got slightly charred...and the inside was brown and grey....and after all that they still taste good ^_^! Next exparament is to see if they can take a whole minute in the microwave...hehehehe...oh, and kids...? don't try this at home...unless you wanna set something on fire ^_^
peep!
whee!! peeps (those little marshmallow sugar covered chicks that they sell in those little boxes...) are yummy! and they look sooooo cool when you stick them in the microwave and they almost explode but then mommy looks in the microwave and starts to laugh sorta at you but also sorta at this hudge marshmallow shape that just keeps growing and growing untill you stop the microwave right before it gets too big and explodes or falls over and catches on fire....oooh, fire ^_^ *runs into the kitchen to try and explode a peep*
Saturday, March 16, 2002
......wow...
i've been really busy these last few days....it's been odd, but fun i guess....it's just odd though...for awhile now...even when i'm sitting in my room...i always feel like i want to go home...but i don't know where home is...i live in a house, yeah, but it's not my home, and it never has been and i don't think it ever will...it's a little depressing, but i guess it's ok....maybe i'll find my home when i'm older...?
Thursday, March 14, 2002
0.0
it's almost 1 30 in the morning....(sorry if the spelling in this is really screwed, but ihave a good reason!) and i check my mail and i got this mail that said someone has the hots for me...i'm extreamly..... i dunno....i guess it's cool, i just sorta wish i knew who it was so i can stop thinking about it...
Monday, March 11, 2002
^_^
hello agian everyone! ^_^ ....i'm much better now, we had some time off of school...and i guess i didn't know how much i really needed it. woohoo, i'm a happy ashi much more often now...*big fuzzy huggles* to all who helped...you should know who you are, but if you don't...well, i guess that's ok. i've been working on organizing my various projects and such, so if you look to your left *points over at the side bar* you'll see that some of the links have changed...the home link takes you back to the page that's my home for now...it's not anything special at the moment, but i'm gonna try and make it better...i hope =P today is just one of those days when i really really enjoy getting enough sleep to last me for the week and being able to sleep until i felt like waking up...those rare mornings right between winter and spring...it only lasts for a week or two, but i like to leave my blinds and windows open, because it's still cold, but warm enough not to freeze your ass off, and when i wake up...at 8 or so...the sun is starting to warm the air, the birds are sitting on the powerlines outside of my window, and their singing, and i look out the window and see the slightly frosted grass, the birds, and glimmers of blue sky through clouds......so pretty ^_^ it's my favorite way to wake up...even though i only get to wake up like that 3 or 4 times a year. hehe, i love this time of year....even though it means standerdized tests in school, finals in 2 months, and having a lot of school stress, but it also means spring break is almost here and that summer is so close that I can feel the humidity rising already...*sigh* I have to get back to my hw though....
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Kelsea
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Alli-poo!
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